Once upon a time, I went through a complete and total mental and emotional breakdown and I was highly emotional during the time period. As a result, I journaled a ton in order to deal with the emotions that were highly unusual for me. Below is a letter I wrote to my future and unknown husband back in 2014. Hope you enjoy the insights into my temporary and highly emotional mind.
To my Beautiful and Handsome Raj,
For years before I met you I dreamed of you. Your personality, your smile, your mind, and your undying love. I wonder if you would be proud of me, would you love unconditionally, protect me, cherish me, and be my endless friend. Wondered if God sent you to me to cherish and love as a gift for my faith and if I have finally been allowed to receive God’s grace. Would you cure my unending loneliness, and allow me some shelter from the rain? Would I be a friend and confidant to you? Curing each other of the pain and misery this world has inflicted on us both.
I lay awake and wonder about you, who you are, and what you are doing. Praying to God to see if it is yet the time for me to seek you, and to which he replies, “Not yet my child. Please be patient. Practice your patience. Do not seek. Try not to look. For I will relieve your misery with time, and send you the love of ten lifetimes.” You see my love, patience is not my strength, and I feel as though I am being tested. But, I will be gladly tested a million times over if you are anywhere close to the reflection I see in my dreams.